The Zapper 5000
by I Can Craft-It
Summary: Tamora gets a shiny new toy to protect her and Felix's garden from bug infestation, but is it too much to the handyman to handle? Based on a storyline in Disney Heroes:Battle Mode; Hero's Cuties.
1. The Zapper 5000

Felix hummed to himself as he worked in the garden, carefully sewing new seeds into the freshly tilled dirt.

"Hey babe," Tamora boasted, kicking open the back door as she wheeled out a big box on a dolly.

"Hi darlin,'" Felix got up and dusted himself off. "Whatcha got there?"

"Oh you'll see…" Tamora grinned, cutting the top of the package open with her combat knife. Reaching inside, she hoisted up her brand new gadget—the Bug Zapper 5000.

"Oh my land; that thing is _huge_!" Felix gaped, clapping the side of his face with his palm.

"Yep, just about as big as you short-stack," Tamora chuckled as she set the zapper down next to her husband. "No bug stands a chance against this baby!"

The handyman was absolutely speechless as he watched Tammy attach her new toy to the underside of the 2nd floor fire escape platform.

"That ought to hold it," Tamora said, satisfied with her handiwork. "Fix-It, mind plugging her in?"

Felix scrambled to catch the plug his lady tossed to him, and balked when he saw just how hefty it was.

"Tammy, how many volts does this thing use?" he asked.

"Not important, just plug it in," Tamora waved him off, eager to get the zapper up and running.

With a sigh, Felix walked over to the outdoor outlet. Saying a little prayer, he inserted the plug into the socket.

In an instant, the zapper sparked to life, the radiant glow of the UV bulb nearly blinding the pair.

"Just listen to that baby purr," Tamora laughed. She certainly seemed proud of herself. "Pretty magnificent, don't you think, Fix-It?"

"It sure is…somethin' alright," Felix feigned a smile, keeping a healthy distance.

* * *

Later that evening, Felix and Calhoun worked together in the kitchen to make their dinner.

"Oh shoot," Felix frowned in the middle of seasoning the pork loin.

"What's up?" Tamora asked, just finishing up her task of cutting vegetables and placing them in a pan.

"I forgot to cut some sprigs of rosemary from the garden earlier, I'll have to go get some real quick," Felix moved to wash his hands.

"I'll do it," Tamora volunteered. "You keep watch on these veggies."

"Can do," the handyman smiled. "Thanks, honey."

"No prob," the sergeant leaned down and placed a kiss on his cheek. "Be right back."

Tamora made her way downstairs, opening the back door to the garden. She smiled when she was greeted with the purple, radiant light of the bug zapper, pausing a moment to marvel at it once more.

Taking out her knife, the sergeant moved to the rosemary bush and diligently set to work, cutting a few sprigs from it. As she did so, the annoying buzz of a mosquito flew past her ear. With a growl, Tamora slashed at the air with her blade.

"Damn bugs!" She grunted. Pausing, she looked to the zapper. "I'll show them…"

Stepping on the fire escape ladder, Tamora reached and turned up the voltage dial.

* * *

Felix froze in place at the stove when the lights in the apartment shut off.

"Huh," he mumbled curiously, taking the vegetables off the hot burner before inspecting the problem.

Grabbing the emergency flashlight, Felix walked up to the apartments electrical panel and opened it. He reset the breakers; growing more confused when nothing happened.

Opening the front door, Felix peered into the dark hallway. Some of his and Tamora's neighbors also peered curiously out of their doors.

"Everyone okay?" Felix asked, the neighbors nodded. "Don't worry, I'll have things figured out in a jiffy!"

Felix opened the door to the stairwell, and about halfway down, realization hit him like a ton of bricks.

"Tammy!" he rushed down the remainder of the stairs and flung the door to the garden open, where he found his wife sitting on the ground. "Tammy, are you alright?"

"Fine, Fix-It," she groaned, rubbing her back. "Just fell off the ladder."

"My lady, you just caused a block wide black-out," Felix remarked, staring up at all the darkened windows of their apartment complex.

"Sorry," Tamora felt guilty. "Can you fix it?"

"Of course I can," Felix spoke casually, stepping up to the power box on the back wall of the building. "But you've got to either turn that _thing_ down back to where it was, or we're getting rid of it."

The sergeant heaved a sigh and picked herself up. Climbing on the ladder, she turned the dial on her beloved bug zapper back to its original setting.

"It's done, do what you have to do," she pouted.

Felix opened the power box and reset the blown circuits in a flash, illuminating the windows of the apartment complex.

Noticing the frown on his lady's lips, he joined her at her side, wrapping an arm lovingly around her leg and patting her thigh as he leaned against it.

"Oh Tammy Jean, your bug zapper will work just as well at the…definitely lethal levels of voltage it was originally set with," he said in a comforting manner.

As they stood there, a poor, unsuspecting mosquito flew just a little too close. And with a loud, electrical _'POP'_ that caused the couple to step back, it was zapped into a little, flaming crisp.

Felix stood and stared at the charred mosquito as it fell to the ground, utterly horrified; Calhoun laughed.

"I suppose you're right, Fix-It," she said optimistically. It seemed that watching that unsettling display had cheered her right up. "Come on, let's get back to dinner."

"Mhm," gulped, having entirely lost his appetite.


	2. The Broken Lamp

((A parody of 'A Christmas Story,' this chapter was written for my friend for his Birthday!))

* * *

With the back of a gloved hand, Felix wiped the sweat from his brow, a satisfied grin across his face. Standing and dusting himself off, he admired his handiwork, having just planted some fresh basil in the garden out behind his and Tamora's apartment complex.

The sun was starting to set over the city, spreading a warm, orange glow across the scattered clouds in the sky. The handyman sighed, leaning on the white picket fence to take in the magic of the moment. So beautiful; so peaceful…

' _ZIP!_ ' Felix nearly leaped in the air at the sudden electric burst from behind him. And with a grimace, he turned to the eerie purple glow of The Zapper 5000.

Ever since his ladylove had hung that monstrosity in the garden, he's had to put up with its harsh, artificial light and the heart-stopping bolts it administered to unsuspecting bugs that flew within its radius.

Some days he would turn it off so that he could have some peace and quiet while he tended to his plants. But if Tammy found out, she would bolt downstairs, turn it back on, and chew him out for 'not taking threats of serious garden infestation' seriously.

Now 'hate' was a very strong word, which never had a place in his vocabulary; but Felix was very sure that he _hated_ that bug zapper. And he had suffered from it _long enough_.

 _What happened next, was a family controversy for years…_

Upstairs, Tamora set to work in the kitchen, entertaining Ralph and Vanellope while her husband finished up with his duties outside.

"How do you like your steak, Wreck-It?" the sergeant asked, leaning over the stove with a hot grill pan.

"Oh, you could burn it, I don't care," Ralph replied, looking around the living room. "Sorry the kid and I came a bit early, we were just excited to see the place. It's nice!"

"Thanks," Tamora smiled. "We've really made it our own. I'm proud of it."

Just then, a loud crash came from outside below.

"What was that?" Tamora appeared from the kitchen, smoke billowing behind her as she took Ralph's offhanded remark literally. Her eyes were wide, piercing Ralph and Vanellope with questions they could only answer with a dumbfounded shrug.

"I think it came from out there?" Vanellope replied eventually, pointing to the adjacent window.

"What happened?" Tamora barked as she opened the window and climbed onto the fire escape. "What broke?"

The sergeant looked downwards and gasped. Hopping onto the ladder, she slid past the floors separating her from the horrific scene in the garden below.

Felix sat there on his knees, illuminated by a nearby streetlamp. Cradled in his arms and strewn about the dirt in front of him were fragments of her precious bug zapper.

"Tammy," the handyman stammered as she approached. "I don't know what happened…I was watering my plants and I—I broke your lamp."

Ralph and Vanellope dropped into the scene behind the couple, backing off slightly when Tamora's surprised gaze twisted itself into a pent up rage.

Kneeling, she grasped at the broken bits of her beloved bug butcher.

"Don't you touch that!" she spat, holding the remains close. She shot the handyman an accusatory glare. "You were always jealous of this lamp!"

" _Jealous?_ " Felix blinked. "Jealous of an electric—"

"Jealous!" the sergeant nodded. "Jealous because…because," she trailed off, searching for a reason.

All Ralph and Vanellope could do was share worried glances as they watched the dramatics unfold before them.

"That's ridiculous," Felix cut through the tense pause with his indignant reply. "Jealous. Jealous of _what?_ "

The handyman pointed a finger that the metal mess spilling from his lady's arms.

" _That_ is the ugliest monstrosity of a trap lamp that I have ever seen in my entire _life!_ "

Now it was out.

" _Get your hammer_ ," Tamora's voice dripped with venom as she leaned closer to Felix.

"I left it at Gene's," Felix didn't waste any time for his cool reply.

The sergeant let out a shout of frustration, tensing up. "You left it at the arcade. ON. _PURPOSE!_ "

Tamora stood, quivering with fury. She stammered as she tried to come up with a real crusher. But all she got out as she threw open the door to the stairwell was:

" _NOT A FINGER!_ "

* * *

Later that night, Felix, Ralph, and Vanellope sat in the living room, sipping hot chocolates as they eyed the sergeant in the corner of the room.

Ralph and Vanellope attempted to bury the awkwardness of the evening behind their drinking mugs. Their eyes continuously shifted between Felix on the couch, and Tamora, who stood at a craft table, piecing the Zapper 5000 back together by hand.

The handyman watched absently while she had her back turned, sipping at his beverage with a blank stare. And when the lamp eventually crumbled underneath the sergeant's touch, Ralph and Vanellope could have sworn they detected a smile on the 8-bit's lips.

Tamora slowly turned around, and Felix quickly assumed his neutral position on the couch. With a huff, Tammy scooped up her prized zapper and exited the apartment.

"Welp," Ralph squeaked, having had just enough of being in the middle of this 'lover's quarrel.' "Guess the kid and I should be going. Right, Vanellope?"

"Yep!" the girl replied emphatically, glitching off the couch and to the door. "Would love to stay and chat, butit'sreallypastmybedtime—BYE!"

"Bye!" the wrecker waved as they exited, not giving their friend any chance to interject. The pair let out synchronized sighs of relief when the door was finally shut behind them.

With the racer perched on his shoulder, Ralph made his way to the bottom of the stairwell and opened the door to the garden out back.

"Ralph," Vanellope whispered, pointing behind them. "Look."

On the opposite side of the garden was Tamora at work with a shovel, burying what the two assumed was the sad remains of her shattered insect killer.

The pair slowly tiptoed away; and as they turned onto the street, Ralph and Vanellope heard the distinct sound of TAPS being played, gently.


	3. Making Up

Tamora opened the door to the apartment and looked at her husband through squinted eyes.

He sat on the couch right where she had left him, and he eyed her briefly before looking away. One of his feet laid across his knee as his leg bounced up and down apprehensively.

"Wreck-It and Ms. President leave?" the sergeant questioned, closing the door. Felix nodded absently. Tamora strolled up to the couch slowly and sat on the opposite end from her husband.

"It's dead and buried, I hope you're happy," she grumbled after a tense moment of pause. Grabbing for something at her side, she pulled out Felix's signature hammer. "Oh, I also found _this_ out in the bushes. Looks like you _didn't_ leave it at Gene's after all."

She ceremoniously placed the golden tool on the coffee table, and the handyman shifted nervously.

Folding her arms, Tamora side-eyed her husband as he quietly reached towards the table, but instead of picking up his trusted hammer, he slid a mug her way.

"I made you some cocoa," he mumbled, clearing his throat.

Tamora scoffed. "Oh and that makes up for it, does it?" she leaned into him. "What you did tonight was no accident, it was _murder."_

"W-well maybe if you let me turn it off for more than _six seconds_ , it wouldn't be _six feet under!_ " he blurted in response.

"So you _finally_ admit it," Tamora was victorious.

"Yes," Felix huffed. "I killed it, and…I'm sorry."

"No you're not," his lady knew better.

He let out a long, exaggerated sigh. "Nope," he caved. "You're right, I really disliked that thing…"

Another tense moment of silence passed between them, and despite herself, Tamora cut right through it with a hearty laugh. This surprised Felix at first, but he eventually joined in, both of them finally realizing just how silly and childish they had been.

As their shared amusement petered out, the fixer placed his hand over his lady's, brushing his thumb against her knuckles.

"I am sorry I made you so upset, though," he said sincerely. "There were far better ways of handling the situation, but I let myself get carried away."

"Was it _really_ that bad?"

"Oh Tammy," Felix chuckled. "You have no idea."

"Hmph," Tamora shot him a skeptical look as she reached for her cup of hot cocoa. "Still, it was a bit uncalled for."

"You're right," he lamented. "Can I make it up to you?"

"Oh, I'm so glad you asked," she took a sip. "You can buy me a new one."

"Eee-oh, boy…" Felix mumbled, filled with dread. "Are…are terms negotiable?"

"…I'll allow it."

"I _will_ get you a new bug zapper," the handyman pledged, placing one hand over his chest, and raising the other in submission. " _But_ it has to be smaller than me and adhere to basic building safety laws and regulations."

Tamora didn't seem pleased with these terms.

"Lady love," Felix clasped his hands together, pleading. "Please _trust_ me to find you a contraption that will both get the job done and not give me anxiety by just looking at it."

" _Fine_ ," she set down her mug in a definitive manner. Snapping her fingers, she pointed to the empty couch space beside her. "Now get over here and let's make up."

"Yes ma'am," the handyman smiled, crawling over to her side of the couch as she got more comfortable.

He slipped between her legs as she laid back, propped up on the pillows. Leaning over her, he pressed his lips firmly to hers.

"I love you," he sighed when their lips parted ways.

"Not made up yet," Tamora whispered in his ear before reeling him in for another searing kiss.


End file.
